Category: Careers and Jobs

Quitting and Simplifying

A theme is emerging for January for me, so let’s continue our exploration of simplifying and cutting back.  My last two posts discussed how I’m shelving my goal to be a paramedic.  Getting engaged and reflecting on 2016 didn’t just lead me to the conclusion that I need to orientate my future towards stability for my fiancé and I.  I also reflected on how I felt at the end of the year about my life.

I concluded that I felt tired.

The Cult of Busy

I hate that I’m so busy.  I fully admit that I sometimes use my busyness as a humblebrag to signal my “hustle,” but truthfully, I rationally know that being busy isn’t a good thing.  When you are busy, the things that you prioritize begin to slip.  When you are busy, you sacrifice sleep.  When you are busy, you half-ass things.  When you are busy, you miss deadlines.  And on, and on.

By the end of December, I was a walking zombie just marking time until business wound down for all of my projects.  I was average around 5.5 hours of sleep per night and felt perpetually in a daze.

Mid-last year, I received an offer to be the Vice Chair of a grants committee I was on.  It was a potential huge step forward for me – it would be an important role for a prestigious community organization, it would groom me to Chair the committee, and it would give me access to important community movers and shakers.  Getting that kind of network exposure is like gold for the young professional.

I replied honestly that I was interested but unsure if I could commit more than one year, on the assumption that I would apply to a paramedic program in February 2017, which could lead me to leaving the region for school.  We set the conversation aside in the interim until I had a better idea of what my future looked like.

In December, the conversation came back up.  Having just proposed to my fiancé, I hadn’t yet had a chance to consider how the proposal will concretely change the next few years of my life.  I asked for the rest of the month to think things over and I’d get back to the Chair.

Being Strangled by Busy Creep

In reflecting on 2016, especially the last 4-months, I realized that my calendar suffered from busy creep.  I had over-committed myself and said yes to too many things.  Keep in mind, I love novelty and experiencing new projects.  I jump at the opportunity to learn something new and help friends out.  But in my quest to learn, I had lost sight of any sense of vision for what I wanted to accomplish, and through a death-by-thousand calendar entries, I had stretched myself too thin.  Working full time at the College, teaching, and working some nights at the bar was enough to keep me occupied, but I am also the Treasurer of a Board, regularly podcasting, blogging, maintaining a long-distance relationship, etc.  I was building a huge sleep deficit, gaining weight, and consistently making bad decisions (YouTube being my drug of choice late at night).

I tried simple hacks to help me, such as installing a light timer on my wifi router to force myself offline.  Truthfully, the only thing I needed to hack was my calendar.  After thinking it through, I realized that after having completed a full term as a grants committee member, now was a good time to bow out gracefully and resign my post.  I drafted a letter to the Chair, explaining my situation, and resigned from the committee.

A Time For Reflection

The Chair, being a wonderful person, accepted my resignation without question and offered to keep the door open if I wished to return in the future.  I valued my experience on the committee, but I realized that it didn’t fit with my ultimate and immediate priorities – my health and my relationships.

I still feel bad about the resignation.  I had hoped that my anxiety and reservations about sending the email was the result of actually sending a resignation.  However, after sending the email, I’m still feeling down about the decision.  It was a great opportunity and could have lead to some amazing future possibilities.  Worse yet, I feel like I’m quitting or letting others down.  I know rationally that this is not true, but I can’t shake the feeling nonetheless.  I suppose this is the equivalent of a busyness detox – the feeling will fade over time as I start to feel more in control of my time and life.

The grants committee was only a tiny portion of my calendar.  It amounted to about a month and a half of moderate work per year.  Cutting this from my plate will not be the magic solution to my problems.  I see this as the first step to getting my house in order.  Truthfully, I don’t really have a lot of direction at the moment.  Once I decided to shelve paramedicine, I lost my direction and momentum.  I need to find something else to aim at and work towards professionally.  That is one area that will require some reflection.

But more basic that that, I need to reflect on my values.  I don’t have a good answer yet as to what I feel my core values are at the moment.  Without that level of self-awareness, I’m likely to allow unfocused busyness to creep back into the picture.  Without values to act as a filter, I’m likely to accept whatever opportunities come my way irrespective of whether they add value to my life or further my goals (or if they are time sinks that steal time away from more important things).  Because something sounds cool, or because a friend asked me shouldn’t be the only reason why I say “yes.”

Once again, I don’t have a pithy way to wrap this up; this will be a work in progress for me.  In the meantime, it’s probably time I get back to work.

Stay Awesome,

Ryan

Thoughts on Letting Go of the Pursuit

Last week, I announced that I’m shelving the pursuit to be a paramedic.  This decision was made on pragmatic grounds: with trying to start a life together with my fiancé, I need to focus on setting down strong roots and establishing financial security.  Changing careers while both supporting my partner and building stability is far more risk than I’m willing to tolerate.  Good things are happening at work right now, and I enjoy a generous paycheck and benefits.  If I hope to continue to pay off my existing student debt in a timely manner, contribute towards the mortgage, etc., my best option is to stay put for now.

Having said that, deciding to not go the paramedic route is not without its share of doubt and heartache.  When I started entertaining the idea that I wouldn’t apply off this February, I felt like I was giving up.  I had carefully laid out a timeline and a series of objectives that would take me step-by-step to my destination.  To give up now would mean I failed in my goals.  I felt like I was a failure.

I’m largely over this mindset now.  What helped me re-frame this was a passage out of Peter Pan.  I stumbled across this quote on a Medium post late last year and jotted it down in my notebook.  From time to time, I read the passage to remind myself that I have more important obligations than what I want.  Sometimes, you need to re-evaluate your goals to ensure you’re staying true to your priorities.

*Side note, my awesome fiancé, whom I read this quote to, put a copy of Peter Pan (the book) in my stocking for Christmas as a result.*

“There are many different kinds of bravery.  There’s the bravery of thinking of others before one’s self.  Now, your father has never brandished a sword nor fired a pistol, thank heavens.  But he has made many sacrifices for his family, and put away many dreams.”

Michael: “Where did he put them?”

Mrs. Darling: “He put them in a drawer.  And sometimes, late at night, we take them out and admire them.  But it gets harder and harder to close the drawer… He does.  And that is why he is brave.”

It’s important to remind ourselves that there is no shame in letting go when things change.  My decision to become a paramedic was made when I was in a different place in my life, but I’m no longer in that place.  There is certainly nobility in staying the course, even through uncertainty and change.  But it’s important to reflect on your priorities, and act in accordance with what is most important to you.

Stay Awesome,

Ryan

Blog: Decisions in Life

A little while back, I swallowed some of my biases and checked out Tony Robbins’s documentary on Netflix, I Am Not Your Guru (trailer here).  I had prejudged him as something in between a vacuous motivational speaker and a charlatan.  I of course based this opinion on nothing and admit that it was incredibly closed-minded of me.

I quite enjoyed the documentary, and I felt that I was captivated by his charisma.  While I know a lot of the business involves crafting a certain persona and message, and that the documentary is edited to create a particular narrative, it softened me to him and I wanted to check out some of his other works.  I’m not interested in investing the money to attend his events (I’m not *THAT* open-minded), but I thought I’d give one of his books a shot.  He also recently appeared in a podcast episode with Tim Ferriss, whom I’ve started to trust as something of an authority figure.  Anything that Tim Ferriss says, I’m willing to listen to.

So, I checked out Awaken The Giant Within, by Tony Robbins.

There was a really cool perspective he shared that has stuck with me since hearing it.  Explained the etymological origin of “decision” or “to decide.”  Without getting technical, it splits the word into “de” and “cision” or “away” and “to cut,” or in essence, “to cut away.”

Ok, that doesn’t sound very insightful.  But then he framed it in terms of what a proper decision entails.  He notes that when we talk about “making decisions” in our lives, we often are speaking as if we are expressing wishes.  To him, people “decide” to lose weight all the time, but never follow through on the execution.  In other words, when someone says they’ve decided to exercise and lose weight, until they follow through on that action, all they are saying is “I wish to exercise and lose weight.”

To make it a proper decision, you have to essentially make a cut and discard every other alternative.  When you decide something, you are firmly choosing not to entertain any other alternatives, and you are committing to that course of action.  To decide is to cut off those alternatives.

Framing it that way made a lot of sense to me.  It’s a criticism of myself that I’ve heard flavours of for some time, and it’s something I try to be mindful of.  This past year I’ve been reading books and reflecting on myself in order to live more intentionally.  I’ve had a few decision points so far that are opening up interesting futures to me.  Right now, I’m looking at career moves; should I continue to become a paramedic, or should I commit more fully to teaching.  I don’t have an answer to that questions yet.  It’s still really early in the process and I’m fine to live with that ambiguity for now.  I have plenty of time yet to explore my options.

There are other areas where making decisions has become important.  For the sake of being cryptic, I cannot divulge them at the moment and I apologize for that.  I’ve had a decision weighing over me recently that I finally pulled the trigger on.  But there are other “decisions” that are manifesting themselves as “wishes” and I’m not forgetting about them (I’m looking at you, exercise!).  I still haven’t followed through on committing to exercise, so for now that’s is my personal shame I carry around.

What I’m starting to wrestle with is how to take ownership of deciding my life’s course and what it means to be a person of character and commitment.  It’s not a strength of mine historically, but it’s a virtue I seek to cultivate moving forward.

Stay Awesome,

Ryan

Video – Dangers of the Job

Despite my recent spate of posts on teaching and education, I still want to use this blog as a platform for self-improvement as it relates to medicine.   I don’t know, yet, whether I will follow the path to paramedicine to the finish.  Teaching is occupying a fair amount of my time, so I will give priority to the things that seem most pressing.

Having said that, this video came across my social media feed last week and serves as a painful reminder that no matter how noble your job is, no matter how badly you want to help people, those very people you serve are also (sometimes) your greatest threat.  Crisis and trauma cause people to react in wildly different ways, and if you are not prepared for it, you could very easily fall victim to its chaos.

I have many medic and security friends who have their own horror stories from getting caught flat-footed on shift.  I’m glad to see agencies are seeking to remain proactive in arming medics with the tools and experience to protect themselves.

Remember, you’re no good to anybody if you are incapacitated, so watch your back.  That’s why the first step you are taught as a medic and responder is to mind your environment.  Constantly scan and re-assess for danger.  No one will look out for your well-being better than you.

Stay Safe,

Ryan

Power Imbalance and Pedagogy

I had an idea for my class that online discussion postings that might be construed as uncivil could serve as a teachable moment in class to discuss and elaborate on.  My plan was not to shame or rebuke the students in front of the class, but to take it as a chance to reflect on the content of the idea and why it might be disrespectful to others.  I ran the idea by a colleague and she cautioned against it.  She pointed out that you never want to be seen as “picking on” a student or singling them out in front of their peers.

Then, I realized that I forgot about the power imbalance that exists between the student, the collection of students, and I when I stand at the head of the class.  Despite how I feel about whether I am truly a teacher, or if I’m closer to being their peer (compared to other teachers they encounter), I must remember that I am still their teacher.  I institutionally have more power; I stand in front of them as an authority.  I have power, whether I realize it or not.

Somewhere along the line, it was pointed out that picking on students picks them out from the amorphous mass that is your class and distances them from their peers.  They are free to stand themselves apart, but I cannot force them for the sake of a teachable moment.

My Post at “The Financial Diet”

A post I wrote for a financial website I follow, The Financial Diet, was published today.  You can find the article here.  I give a brief recap of how I secured my job as a college lecturer (my first class is tomorrow!), and some important takeaways I have from the experience.

Even if you don’t read my post, I still recommend checking TFD out.  They post a lot of great articles and tips for living more frugally, which is what drew me to their site in the first place.

Stay Awesome,

Ryan

Blog – Sound Pedagogy

Happy Labour Day Monday!  I hope you are all enjoying your long weekend.  My weekend has been jam-packed with course prep and dealing with a sudden surge of patrons at the bar as students move back into town to start the new school year.

I’ve learned to embrace the adage that “if you want to learn something, teach it.”  By this, I mean that there is no better way to learn and master a concept as when you must transmit that information to someone else in a way that makes sense to them.  Not only do you need to know the material inside and out, but you must also learn to fill in gaps as they arise.

At present, I’m trying to finish up my instructional plan for my course.  The first lesson is this coming Friday, and I’m both nervous and excited.  I’m nervous because I fear that I’ll be an inadequate teacher for this crop of mostly first-year students; that their introduction to philosophy will be botched by my inexperience and poor planning.  But I’m also excited, because I have some confidence in my skills, and it’s a new and exciting challenge that I want to face.

student

With less than a week to go, I have 27 students enrolled in my class.  When I look into their various programs, I get a wide range of learners, from science, recreation, business, IT, security, etc.  All of these faces are unique individuals who will need to sync with my lecture material.  My challenge is to teach philosophy to a class of college kids who probably are taking my course because it sounds interesting and they need breadth courses to graduate.  In other words, I need to pluck philosophy from the clouds and bring it down to the “real world” in a way that makes sense to them.  I can’t just stand at the front of the room and pontificate in their general direction.  I’ll need to be smarter than that if I have any hope of them passing the learning objectives.

Instead, I’ll need to engage them dialectically.  I’ll need to choose non-academic examples to connect their experience with.  I’ll need to prove to them that these questions and problems are not only relevant to them, but incredibly important to their lives; they need to take the material seriously.  In an age of constant distraction and competing media on their attention, I’ll need to come to class prepared every Friday afternoon to fight and earn their attention.

Talk about a tall order!

Oh, and because a lot of this material is stuff I wasn’t exposed to in school, I also have to teach myself the course material!

Oh well.  Here goes.

Stay Awesome,

Ryan

Blog – Time Keeps on Slippin’

I should be working on my course.

I know this to be true, and yet I find the days are sliding past.  I am now less than two weeks away from delivering my first class and I feel woefully underprepared.  Perhaps I lack the  context to understand how far along the development process I am.  After all, I’m not developing a course from scratch; the topics and weeks are already set, and the readings are all available.

That, however, seems like the easy part.  I still have to finish committing it to my instructional plan and I have to develop the lectures themselves.  The lectures are what worries me.  I can whip up writing prompts and messages to the students easily, but standing in front of the students for 3-hours is a harder thing to wing.  I have to be teacher, councilor, entertainer and authority for almost half of a working-day.  And I have to do it smoothly, as if I didn’t need to prepare.

There is always a struggle between Present-Me and Future-Me.  Present-Me tends to waste time as if Future-Me has an overabundance of free time at his disposal.  Present-Me is bogged down by poor sleeping habits, a full-time job, a part-time job, family and volunteer commitments, etc.  Future-Me lives in a time where all of these concerns have passed.

The trick is supposed to be that you have to realize that Future-Me has his own concerns to worry about; that Future-Me will be equally bogged down by work and scarce free time.  I understand all of this.

And yet, I find it hard to get myself pointed in the right direction for those 1-3 hour blocks of time where I’m not at a job.  The little bit of downtime that I plan to commit to mentally recharging and allow me to shift from one task to the next gets stretched out as akrasia takes over.  I know I shouldn’t click on that next YouTube link, but dammit I’m tired and it’ll only take a moment, THEN I’ll get to work.

That probably sounds familiar to you.

I don’t have a firm answer or cute wrap-up to this line of thinking.  I need to plan things better and stick with it.  I need to be mindful and intentional with how I spend my time.  More importantly, I need to be mindful of my limitations.  I work a full time and a part time job, so that will impact my energy levels.  I need to respect those limits if I wish to work around it.

Back to the grindstone.

Stay Awesome.

Ryan

Fitness Progress Update

For all of my academic strengths, I knew the biggest hurdle I’d face if I wanted to become a paramedic is to get my health and fitness in line with the demands of the job.  To my knowledge, I have no medical issues that create real obstacles to hold me back other than my formerly broken ankle.  I have always been on the bigger side of life, but with exception to 3 instances, it has never prevented me from participating or completing anything in life.

As anyone can imagine, the job of a paramedic requires a certain level of fitness to both be effective and to safely carry out the job.  I knew that, if I want to be a medic, I would need to lose weight and to increase my general fitness (strength, cardiovascular, flexibility, and mobility).  I’ve been making steady progress, and have managed to reliably keep weight off.  However, this progress has not been without it’s lost ground as I try to forge ahead.

The problem with exercise and diet is that my long history with food means the habits I have ingrained are hard to break, so when my exercise and diet systems break down, it’s easy for me to undermine my progress.  Case in point: my trip to Scotland.

I had originally set a goal for myself: by the time I would take my trip to Scotland, I would be 275lbs.  This is 50lbs down from my heaviest recorded weight and would really signal progress on my path.  In the weeks leading up to Scotland, a number of priorities and events stressed broke my systems.  I stopped going to the gym, I was forced to cut back on grocery expenditures, and I was making poor eating choices.  My last recorded weigh-in before Scotland:

Jul 10th – 296lbs

Not bad, but fairly off my target.  Still, it was 30lbs down from my starting weight, and I was proud of that accomplishment.

There were two thoughts in the back of my mind regarding the Scotland trip: first, I would not be eating particularly healthy while I was travelling, so that would count against me; and second, I would be walking around more, so it should off-set some of my bad habits while I indulged on the trip.  Turns out, the former was true, but the latter was mistaken.  We spent a fair amount of time driving, which meant I was running substantial caloric surpluses.  The result?  My first weigh-in after my trip:

Aug 3 – 311lbs

Yikes!  I wiped out 15lbs of progress!  Granted, I know this is the result of a lot of factors, like water weight, that’s not just body weight, however it was still disheartening to see on the scale.

It has been over two weeks since I’ve come home from the trip and I still have not returned to the gym.  The system has ground to a halt.  This is not to say I’ve completely fallen off the wagon, though.  With re-establishing some of my diet systems, that 311lbs has dropped a bit, and I’m hovering around 305lbs, which is progress.

This process is certainly something that has helped me learn more about myself and how important systems are to my goals.  I can’t simply rely on hoping I make good choices in the moment, because so many competing interests are at play.  This has also re-affirmed that the gym is not as high of a priority for me as I had hoped, since it’s the first thing that gets jettisoned when my workload is overburdened (keep in mind, prior to Scotland, I was working a full time job, a part time job, two major volunteer committee commitments, sorting out personal things in my life, sustaining a long-distance relationship, podcasting, trip planning, and taking a distance education course).  These are not excuses, but reasons why I failed to hit my target.  Autopsying the wreckage will hopefully give me some insight on how I can do better next time.

In a future post, I’ll discuss what I’ve learned from health and trying to set up self-sustaining systems, but in the meantime, I need to get those systems back on track!

Stay Awesome,

Ryan