I did something bad last night. I went against my better judgement and stayed up until just after 1:30am.
Ok, perhaps this isn’t the worst thing in the world. In fact, given the demographics of the area I live in, there were plenty of other people in my neighborhood who were still awake well past my drifting off to sleep.
Why is this bad?
It’s bad for two main reasons. First, it’s bad because it goes counter to my expressed goals of striving for 7-hours of sleep per night. It also creeps in on my desire to not use YouTube late at night. I’ve identified this as a problem before, and I know that giving in to “just 10-minutes on YouTube” is a recipe for failure.
But the second and more pressing concern is that I knew better, because just 15-minutes before I sat down at the computer, I was musing on the car ride home from my shift at the bar that I should put my staff meal in the fridge and go straight to bed. I got home, let the dog out, then sat down at the computer and thought “I haven’t done any late night surfing in a while, and I could unwind a bit since I’m not tired, so how about some YouTube?”
Never mind that passively consuming online videos makes it easy to lose track of time as you spiral down the rabbit hole of content; never mind that staring at a screen is bad for your sleep and inhibits the production of chemicals that help you feel tired; I rationally knew and actively thought to myself that I know what I’m supposed to do, and I went and did the irrational thing anyway!
While I’m talking about this as if it’s an addiction, I know that this is less an issue of some sort of neuro-behavioral compulsion and more of a weakness of will. Or, more specifically, it’s a lack of discipline on my part. It’s thinking that I’m smarter than my own laziness. Once again, my monkey brain won out and I ended up sabotaging my goals without really being aware of it.
You win this time, Laziness.