Tag: Goals

Blog – “You Look Tired”

This post is “late,” and there is really no excuse for it.  There are reasons of course: when I created a backlog of posts, I didn’t feel the pressure to write weekly, so things slipped in my mind.  But that’s not a good excuse for this being written about an hour after it should have gone live.

A colleague of mine just commented to me “You look tired!”  Which is true – I am tired.  I’ve been tracking my sleep since about November of last year thanks to my trusty Fitbit, and in that year I found I get an average of five and a half hours of sleep per night.  That’s well below the recommended eight hours.  Until now, I’ve managed things fairly well,  but with the addition of the third job (teaching) and maintaining a long distance relationship, things are really starting to strain for me.  I’ve noticed it for a few weeks now, but this weekend things are starting pile up.

I napped more this weekend than I have in probably the last two years.  I almost never nap.  I hate napping, in fact.  It feels like a waste of time, when I could be using that time (daylight) to do something more desirable than tending to my body’s needs.  And yet, this weekend I found myself napping for at least an hour each day in the afternoon.  I also elected to cut time short with my girlfriend to tend to some much needed cleaning at my apartment.  The alternative would have been more social engagements and an early morning commute back home to go to work.  She understood that I needed the time away and supported my decision.  It’s why she’s a great gal!

My focus has been off lately, too.  I keep talking about how I want to go back to the gym, but I haven’t acted on it.  Call it failure to plan, call it failure to action on an item, but I suspect the real culprit is depleted will power. No, I don’t mean that I’m not willing myself to the gym.  I mean I think have decision fatigue.  It’s a long accumulation of factors that have finally hit a tipping point: poor sleep, poor nutrition, too many demands on my cognitive workload, stress from things in life, added stress from social media, etc.  It creates a feedback loop that further breaks me down.  Because I don’t sleep well and still try to contend with normal daily activities, my will power and motivation wane; this leads to poor choices and procrastination through my favourite habit (watching YouTube videos), which keeps me awake, which makes it harder for me to do the things I need to do, which weakens my ability to force myself to go to bed at a reasonable time, which leads to lesser amounts of sleep, and the cycle continues.

I don’t have an obvious solution to this problem.  What I need to do is to critically evaluate my obligations, priorities and goals to find a better fit with my habits.  That will take longer than one blog post to figure out, but for the meantime, the best I can do is monitor my health and situation to guard against large scale system crashes.

Blog: Decisions in Life

A little while back, I swallowed some of my biases and checked out Tony Robbins’s documentary on Netflix, I Am Not Your Guru (trailer here).  I had prejudged him as something in between a vacuous motivational speaker and a charlatan.  I of course based this opinion on nothing and admit that it was incredibly closed-minded of me.

I quite enjoyed the documentary, and I felt that I was captivated by his charisma.  While I know a lot of the business involves crafting a certain persona and message, and that the documentary is edited to create a particular narrative, it softened me to him and I wanted to check out some of his other works.  I’m not interested in investing the money to attend his events (I’m not *THAT* open-minded), but I thought I’d give one of his books a shot.  He also recently appeared in a podcast episode with Tim Ferriss, whom I’ve started to trust as something of an authority figure.  Anything that Tim Ferriss says, I’m willing to listen to.

So, I checked out Awaken The Giant Within, by Tony Robbins.

There was a really cool perspective he shared that has stuck with me since hearing it.  Explained the etymological origin of “decision” or “to decide.”  Without getting technical, it splits the word into “de” and “cision” or “away” and “to cut,” or in essence, “to cut away.”

Ok, that doesn’t sound very insightful.  But then he framed it in terms of what a proper decision entails.  He notes that when we talk about “making decisions” in our lives, we often are speaking as if we are expressing wishes.  To him, people “decide” to lose weight all the time, but never follow through on the execution.  In other words, when someone says they’ve decided to exercise and lose weight, until they follow through on that action, all they are saying is “I wish to exercise and lose weight.”

To make it a proper decision, you have to essentially make a cut and discard every other alternative.  When you decide something, you are firmly choosing not to entertain any other alternatives, and you are committing to that course of action.  To decide is to cut off those alternatives.

Framing it that way made a lot of sense to me.  It’s a criticism of myself that I’ve heard flavours of for some time, and it’s something I try to be mindful of.  This past year I’ve been reading books and reflecting on myself in order to live more intentionally.  I’ve had a few decision points so far that are opening up interesting futures to me.  Right now, I’m looking at career moves; should I continue to become a paramedic, or should I commit more fully to teaching.  I don’t have an answer to that questions yet.  It’s still really early in the process and I’m fine to live with that ambiguity for now.  I have plenty of time yet to explore my options.

There are other areas where making decisions has become important.  For the sake of being cryptic, I cannot divulge them at the moment and I apologize for that.  I’ve had a decision weighing over me recently that I finally pulled the trigger on.  But there are other “decisions” that are manifesting themselves as “wishes” and I’m not forgetting about them (I’m looking at you, exercise!).  I still haven’t followed through on committing to exercise, so for now that’s is my personal shame I carry around.

What I’m starting to wrestle with is how to take ownership of deciding my life’s course and what it means to be a person of character and commitment.  It’s not a strength of mine historically, but it’s a virtue I seek to cultivate moving forward.

Stay Awesome,

Ryan

Fitness Progress Update

For all of my academic strengths, I knew the biggest hurdle I’d face if I wanted to become a paramedic is to get my health and fitness in line with the demands of the job.  To my knowledge, I have no medical issues that create real obstacles to hold me back other than my formerly broken ankle.  I have always been on the bigger side of life, but with exception to 3 instances, it has never prevented me from participating or completing anything in life.

As anyone can imagine, the job of a paramedic requires a certain level of fitness to both be effective and to safely carry out the job.  I knew that, if I want to be a medic, I would need to lose weight and to increase my general fitness (strength, cardiovascular, flexibility, and mobility).  I’ve been making steady progress, and have managed to reliably keep weight off.  However, this progress has not been without it’s lost ground as I try to forge ahead.

The problem with exercise and diet is that my long history with food means the habits I have ingrained are hard to break, so when my exercise and diet systems break down, it’s easy for me to undermine my progress.  Case in point: my trip to Scotland.

I had originally set a goal for myself: by the time I would take my trip to Scotland, I would be 275lbs.  This is 50lbs down from my heaviest recorded weight and would really signal progress on my path.  In the weeks leading up to Scotland, a number of priorities and events stressed broke my systems.  I stopped going to the gym, I was forced to cut back on grocery expenditures, and I was making poor eating choices.  My last recorded weigh-in before Scotland:

Jul 10th – 296lbs

Not bad, but fairly off my target.  Still, it was 30lbs down from my starting weight, and I was proud of that accomplishment.

There were two thoughts in the back of my mind regarding the Scotland trip: first, I would not be eating particularly healthy while I was travelling, so that would count against me; and second, I would be walking around more, so it should off-set some of my bad habits while I indulged on the trip.  Turns out, the former was true, but the latter was mistaken.  We spent a fair amount of time driving, which meant I was running substantial caloric surpluses.  The result?  My first weigh-in after my trip:

Aug 3 – 311lbs

Yikes!  I wiped out 15lbs of progress!  Granted, I know this is the result of a lot of factors, like water weight, that’s not just body weight, however it was still disheartening to see on the scale.

It has been over two weeks since I’ve come home from the trip and I still have not returned to the gym.  The system has ground to a halt.  This is not to say I’ve completely fallen off the wagon, though.  With re-establishing some of my diet systems, that 311lbs has dropped a bit, and I’m hovering around 305lbs, which is progress.

This process is certainly something that has helped me learn more about myself and how important systems are to my goals.  I can’t simply rely on hoping I make good choices in the moment, because so many competing interests are at play.  This has also re-affirmed that the gym is not as high of a priority for me as I had hoped, since it’s the first thing that gets jettisoned when my workload is overburdened (keep in mind, prior to Scotland, I was working a full time job, a part time job, two major volunteer committee commitments, sorting out personal things in my life, sustaining a long-distance relationship, podcasting, trip planning, and taking a distance education course).  These are not excuses, but reasons why I failed to hit my target.  Autopsying the wreckage will hopefully give me some insight on how I can do better next time.

In a future post, I’ll discuss what I’ve learned from health and trying to set up self-sustaining systems, but in the meantime, I need to get those systems back on track!

Stay Awesome,

Ryan

Reflecting on Navigating Job Politics

In my attempt to make a career shift in the least risky way possible, I’ve had to expose myself to a bit of career politicking.  By this, I mean that in order for me to lay down the foundations of a future paramedic career, there are certain things I need to do now while also working to support myself.  I’ve read a few books recently that advise against diving head-first into your passion and instead build career capital that you can eventually cash-in when you decide to make the shift.  Cal Newport discusses in So Good They Can’t Ignore You how a person who is passionate for yoga should not quit their job to start a venture as a yoga instructor without first building a business foundation: getting certified as an instructor, gaining experience as an instructor, building a client-base, etc.  The idea is that you have to hustle on the side, until you can smoothly make the transition from one career to the next with minimal disruption to your income.  Larry Smith, in No Fears, No Excuses: What You Need To Do To Have A Great Career, takes a similar approach when he recommends researching and exploring your passions in a systematic, deliberate manner.

I’ve been largely following this attitude by reading widely on medicine, researching schools, taking the biology course to ensure I have the prerequisites to apply to school, etc.  Some of this I can do on my own, but some (like getting my boss to sign-off on an employee tuition discount for the biology course), requires me to share my plans with others.  This has lead to an interesting tension between my current opportunities and future options.

My boss knows that I have aspirations to go back to school.  In fact, she supports the effort.  However, this leaves her in a difficult position.  Because she knows there is a chance I will be resigning my job if I get accepted, she’s hesitant to expand my role at my job.  Even if this is a small chance (less than 3% based on admissions statistics), she does not want to increase the scope and responsibility of a job tailored to my strengths if she will then need to replace me down the line.  While I’m not saying this is a problem that should concern me, I empathize with her dilemma.  The job I currently have is unique at my place of employment.  To my knowledge, no one else has a job exactly as I do.  My job has evolved over the last three years based on my outcomes, skills and strengths.  In order to replace me, she would have to find someone that is essentially me, or have to dramatically change the nature of the job, which she’s not inclined to do because I’m currently solving problems for her that would then have to be addressed down the line.

I say all of this without the intention of making me sound more important than I am.  I know I’m not special, and I am easily replaceable.  What I’m saying is that this level of uncertainty in my boss’s mind about my future is also impacting the present opportunities extended to me.  Even if my boss doesn’t want to punish me for thinking about leaving (quite the opposite, my boss has been very supportive with the idea of me advancing my career within the College, including changing roles and growing into management levels), she nevertheless will think twice before updating my duties with more responsibility.

So far, I’ve been dealing with this by remaining transparent and keeping an open mind.  I assure them that I don’t have an intention to quit before I receive an acceptance.  If I am accepted into a program, then I will have to make the decision to carry on down the path, or stay where I am.  If I’m rejected from all the schools I apply to (again, each program is incredibly over-subscribed, with over 1000 applicants vying for 30 spots), then I will keep working at my job and reevaluate my plan.  I’ve also kept an eye out for further opportunities to improve myself, such as taking on a teaching job for the Fall to try it out.  If it works, there could be more avenues opening up for me.  If I discover that it’s not for me, then I’ll have a fun story to tell about the time I was a college professor.  But, the point to keep in mind is for me to be cautious and deliberate in how I move forward.  Otherwise, I’ll end up screwing myself over and closing doors that never needed to be slammed shut.

Stay Awesome,

Ryan

 

 

Progress Update

Given that it’s the summer and I’m on vacation from work, I thought I’d take it easy this week and post light with an update on my progress so far.

I successfully completed the biology preparatory course that gives me the pre-requisite credit to apply to most paramedic programs in the province.  I completed the course with a 93%, which I am more than happy with.  As a reward, I will be ordering myself this Littmann stethoscope.

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B001NMT6N6/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&colid=2EKDSURXLF25Q&coliid=I1JSPVHPYV8OI7&psc=1

My fitness progress has not been as successful.  Towards the end of my work contract (May-June), I had a lot on my plate, which I responded to by lowering fitness as a priority.  As a result, my weight-loss has stalled a bit, as has my strength in the gym.  I will be heading to Scotland this week for two weeks, which will keep me out of the gym for a little bit longer, but I’m hoping to make up for that with all the walking we will be doing as we visit.  My goal was to drop to 275lbs by the time I left for my trip, so we’ll say that goal has been busted (I’m currently sitting around 295-297lbs).

Otherwise, there is no other news to report on.  When I return, I’ll start trying to narrow down schools that I would like to apply to and ensure all of my supplementary application materials are in order.

Stay Awesome!

Ryan

Welcome and First Post!

Hello and thank-you for stopping by my page!  I’m Ryan and as of this writing I am a hopeful future candidate for a path into paramedicine.

In a future post, I will go into a little more detail about who I am and my story into why I want to be a paramedic, but for now I will try to paint a picture of what I want to do with this website.

I’m looking to do a career shift and plan to apply to colleges early next year to be admitted into a paramedic program here in Ontario, Canada.  To date, I’ve been working on a number of fronts to prepare myself for my application – I’ve been organizing my finances to give myself a leg-up to return to school, I’ve been exercising to prepare my body for the job, and I’m currently taking a distance education course to get the biology credit I need to satisfy most school’s program pre-requisites.

While there is some element of vanity in this, I think this site would be a great opportunity to chronicle my journey.  I think writing about the things I do professionally and learn along the way will not only help me become a better paramedic, but it might also help educate and inspire others along their journeys.  I’m a student at heart and I love to share the things I learn along the way.  Despite my baser instincts towards laziness, I think this site might help push me to work a little harder.

I hope you find value in this passion project of mine, and maybe we can learn and laugh along the way.  For now, let’s just see if I can put some momentum on this beast.

Stay Awesome,

Ryan